Zacarias (Jack) válasza:
Not sure if I should laugh or cry…
very sorry to read your review, but let me tell you that you are absolutely right. I’ll proceed to explain:
First of all, how dare I upgrade my guests just because I have a better house sitting empty??? Its unacceptable!!! Once, I booked a flight and they were overbooked and had to upgrade me to business class, I was furious!!! And I did tell your boyfriend on the phone I would upgrade you guys (the sole reason was to make you happy because happy guests = good reviews.. lol) on which he naively said; wow, thank you very much, just like every other guest to whom I've done that, what fools!!! Why would you want me to upgrade? Just because the Hideaway house, the one you stayed, is my best and most expensive house, with an amazing open kitchen more equipped than any other house, massive lounge with beautiful love nest, great toilet and shower, the biggest rooms, keeps super cool in hot months such as when u came, and worst of all it has a private garden and o lovely porch to hang out. It really doesnt get worst than this in arambol….
Also I’m so sorry that the Jacuzzi was out of order, Normally its me blowing the bubbles with a big pipe but the pipe had a hole and the air was coming all out and I didn’t notice. As to the interior heated swimming pool, which is clearly advertised in the description, Im so sorry it hasn’t been built yet. Im just waiting for the bulldozer that had a flat tire and is stuck in baga, they take forever to change a tire around here. And the tennis court,… Can you believe the bloody fisherman took the middle net because they ran out of nets for fishing and destroyed the court, bastards! Everything is in legal court now but I have little hopes as the judge himself is very found of fish… The golf course that should surround the house was completely destroyed by the cows that eat all the grass, turns out they are not only on a plastic diet. Also in court but the wicked cows hired a very good lawyer and are building a strong case that they don’t have enough food and cannot eat only plastic… plus the judge is Hindu… its not looking good for me.. But I have a great idea, I will build a sauna in which the steam will be generated by the gases of the cows. Its perfect. I will collect all them farts and inject in a closed room in this house. It will be ready next time you come… Also the 24 hour butler, which is normally there to do whatever you want, has had a hemorrhoids crises, he does love spicy food, and is undergoing deep surgery. Luckily his job requires him to be standing all the time so he should be coming back very soon… And you wont believe it but the 24 hour masseuse who should be there to massage you gently as you fall a sleep, (which again clearly says on the description) fell on the Jacuzzi, which she wasn’t supposed to use anyway, hit her head and became suddenly enlightened!!! Its crazy! She has now build an ashram in kerala with millions of followers and is hugging everyone… bless her! Im looking for a replacement. The butlers wife applied for the job but she has only 1 arm, poor thing, and Im not sure if it would work. Not sure how Im going to tell her, breaks my heart! Oh wait, you were saying something about money??? Maybe you want the job? Let me know asap…
And how can I charge more (which I don’t, 30% is fees and taxes from bnb) for such a horrible house than just a room??? I must be crazy… Or I just like to rip-off my guests!!! Yes you caught me, well done!!! All the other 200, 5 star reviews for the hideaway house (FYI, this is the first bad review for the hideaway house) are delusional people!!! You are actually the first one to spot me, I should give you the Sherlock star. I might be able to get you a spot to hug the hugging masseuse???
Also 2 minutes to walk to the beach is way too much, I mean…. Unacceptable! I think next season I will have 4 boys and a Queens carriage to take guests to the beach… what you think?
And you’re absolutely right about one thing; Baga, candolim and that area would suit you perfectly. Its super nice! There are many many places to stay in one of the 300 tall buildings on top of the beach that give such a nice concrete atmosphere to the lovely natural habitat. The abundance of commercial activities just give that lovely aroma to the place. Oh and that smell of drunken tourists, nothing better than that big amount of nice intoxicated people everywhere and sometimes if you’re really lucky, amongst the millions of bottles of rum or beer on the sand, you might find one still half full, free booze… yeah! Oh and those jetskis in the water, just lovely. Im sure you would have loved it, now that’s a holiday!!!
And Arambol is so not you!!! Why would anyone want to come here, such a boring beach, nothing happening, only palm trees and sand bamboo beach shacks, yoga, live music, strange artists… no no, don’t come here again, you deserve much better!!! (Unless maybe you want to try my new sauna??).
So you see there was a multitude of factors that conspired for you to have a horrible time in arambol. And I deeply apologize!!!
I really wish there was some kind of airbnb filter where I would be warned of people like you. Some people are just impossible to please!!
Love & Light to you sister!